unbecoming 'her'

a 2025 post-mortem and plotting 2026: the actual > aesthetic.

Written by: Bella Cipolla

Tuesday 05 Jan 2026. Entry:
- A really unproductive day. Struggled finding rhythm. Sluggish.
- Upset tummy. Irregular b**** movements. Diagnosis - bad eating over holidays.
- Ate rice with broth and iceberg lettuce with ACV.
- Night time -- tummy improving.

my favourite animal is me with a self-diagnosis

My 2025 started with a Pinterest mood board a.k.a clippings of unattainable futures. Rolling pastures of perfectly manicured lawns, New England yachts, monetary values, subscriber counts and a vintage Porsche 911SC for good measure.

*shudders*

Then, in what seemed to be a blink of an eye came December 2025... With it a slightly triggering onslaught of ‘becoming her’ rebrands and vision board how to’s. And despite my board’s best efforts; Mansion in the SOF? Porsche in the driveway? A frivolous saltburn-esque never ending vacation with my nearest and dearest nepo-baby friends? M.I.A.

NOW don’t get me wrong. I appreciate the value of visualisation, the manifestation of it all, but this year I need the actual > aesthetic. And it hurts my soul to say, but one where Pinterest isn’t a plan (RIP) but a potential hinderance.

I present to you a 4 step plan to that doesn’t allow you to hide behind the oh so beautiful curation of it all.

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Part One: The Honesty Audit

You can’t ‘rebrand’ what you won’t look at.

Focus:

• Identifying gaps, flaws, and friction points

• Separating avoidance from actual lack

• Naming where you are inconsistent vs unclear

Hot Tip: Set aside the time you need to work through the following questions and be painfully honest.

Honesty Audit Questions

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Part Two: Habit Building

Once you know what needs work, you design realistic habits that fit.

Examples:

• Personal audit: What drains me?

  • Negativity and talking down to myself. Self-doubt is a big one and over awareness.

• Personal goal: Daily thought containment.

  • “What’s going on internally?”

  • “What’s actually true?”

    • Write it out. Close the book.

Hot tip: Make it tangible e.g. Star charts, punch cards, a dedicated page in your diary.

Personal Habit Tracker

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Part Three: Looking Inward

Building your ‘Personal Operating Manual’.
This can be a page in a diary, notion or google docs. Low maintenance - update no more than twice a year.

Step one (easing into understanding):
Examples -

• Everyday fragrance

• Go-to outfit formula

• Favourite cafes, walks, hobbies

• How you spend a weekend

Step two (go deeper):
Examples -

• Communication style (direct, reflective, visual, verbal)

• Social energy levels

• Health rhythms and needs

• How you make decisions under pressure

• Intellectual interests

Knowing yourself reduces friction everywhere and consistency comes naturally when your life and identity aren’t at odds.

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Part Four: Visualisation Systems

Shows how life should feel and function, not what it should look like.

It’s built from:

• Your audit (what’s broken or neglected)

• Your habits (what you’re actually doing)

• Your identity (how you operate best)

What it replaces:

• Outcome images → behavioural cues

• Dream life → designed life

Option A: Detail Oriented

The Spreadsheet (link to free template)

• Provides consistency, gratification and clarity.

Works best for people who:

• Are analytical or pattern-oriented

• Feel calmer when things are named and structured

• Get satisfaction from completion, streaks, and visibility

Option B: Behaviour Based Vision Board

How it’s different from a normal vision board

• No luxury items

• No people you don’t know

• No abstract success symbols

Instead, it includes:

• Moods and environments

• Textures, colours, pace

• Everyday moments you want more of

• Visual cues tied to habits

Structure:

• Split the board into 4 quadrants:

  • How my days feel

  • How I work

  • How I take care of myself

  • How I rest and play

Rule of thumb: If you can’t describe the behaviour behind an image, it doesn’t go on the board.

Works best for people who:

• Are more visual or tactile

• Need to see or feel their discipline to stay motivated.

• Want to bridge the gap between their aesthetic desires and their daily reality.

Here’s to the year ahead. And stop pinning Porsche’s you aren’t driving yet.

Your type-a gremlin,
Bella